I think this depends on the person you are. Our son was born when I was This thread is closed to new comments. You are fantasising about it, but that doesn't mean you have to go through with it. Will you be able to live with yourself afterwards? I can't help with your second question, but I think you've already done as much encouraging as you can without it crossing over into pressure.
My advice to you is the stand down advice you're hearing.
Having sex with another man, to save her marriage
Couples where each partner has been married before seem to also do better. I found the idea of being with another guy repulsive. Sex is not emotional for me, it has always been just about sex so its whatever. Agreeing with the others here in taking the pressure off and not bringing it up again until she does. IRL encounters involve real world problems that chat or email do not. But don't "encourage" her now.